The Old School guide for how to deal with schoolyard bullies

You may have heard about the 11 yr. old boy from St. Croix, U.S. Virgin Islands who took his own life because he was taunted and bullied, incessantly, as a new student at Dunaire Elementary School in Dekalb County (Atlanta), Georgia.

I have two sons. The eldest is 10 1/2 and his younger brother is 5. If I ever find out that either of them are being bullied I will employ the following sequence:

1) I will ask them to refer the matter to a teacher or administrator,

2) if it persists, "I" will demand that the administration resolve it,

3) if it persists, I will ask my son if they think they can "beat up" the kid(s),

if so, they have permission to pummel the bully;

if not, I will head over to the school, have my child point out the bully, and I will have a discussion with the bully - the discussion will be brief and it will go something like this:

"...you are prohibited from speaking to my child, referring to my child or touching my child - if my child comes home and tells me otherwise there will be dire circumstances - if you don't know what dire circumstances are then ask your parent(s)..."

then I will give the child my business card and have them have their parent(s) contact me immediately - the discussion I will have with the parent(s) will be brief and it will go something like this:

"...your child is prohibited from speaking to my child, referring to my child or touching my child - if my child comes home and tells me otherwise there will be dire circumstances - if you don't know what dire circumstances are then ask your parent(s)..."

4) if none of that works - i will slap the living daylights out of the bully and kick the living dog squeeze out of his parent(s) and their neighbors and their cousins and their in-laws and their grandparents and their grandchildren and their pit bulls and their rottweilers or anyone or anything else who wants to jump in

win, lose or draw no one will torment my children and get away with it

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p.s. some of this is slightly exaggerated - I do not advocate physical violence other than for self-defense - nor do I condone adults striking children other than their own for purposes other than punishment and even in the case of punishment, striking children should be done responsibly and with the child's parent's permission - nonetheless, bullying is pervasive and needs to be nipped in the bud and an old school dude like myself won't hesitate to take matters into my own hands, albeit responsibly

The object in the mirror is closer than it appears

For a golf geek such as myself there is nothing better than waking up early Saturday and Sunday morning to live coverage of the European PGA Tour on The Golf Channel.

Renton Laidlaw's familiar voice and hilarious quips are a major part of that experience and he will be sadly missed when he steps aside someday.

Granted, it's not the PGA Tour (American) but it's pro golf at its finest, nonetheless.

Sergio Garcia recently inferred that the European Tour is "catching up" with its American counterpart, but it's my contention that it already has.

Just examine the list of winners of golf's four major tournaments for the past 5 or 6 years.

For what do we owe this phenomenon?

PGA tour players are not as hungry. They're actually a little spoiled.

PGA tour players are waited on hand and foot.

They always play in perfect or near perfect weather on immaculately groomed courses.

Tiger's presence has vaulted purses into the stratosphere such that PGA Tour players who don't even finish high enough on the money list to keep their playing privileges still earn over a million dollars per season in prize money.

PGA Tour players don't need passports, VISA's or immunizations for Yellow Fever and Hepatitis.

PGA Tour players have foul weather gear in their bags at all times but their's collects dust.

Most PGA Tour players leave the country only during the off-season when they are on vacation.

European PGA Tour players, however, are more like us.

They carry their own bags and rent their own cars for the week.

They play on greens that are akin to those at that one muni in your town that actually has a competent greenskeeper with an appropriate budget and not the fabled East Lake Golf Club.

Their purses are not half as big as those stateside.

And to see a European tour player playing in foul weather gear is more the rule than the exception.

I know that hindsight is 20/20 but PGA Tour players not named Tiger Woods or Phil Mickelson have NO shot when seasoned, battle-tested, champion European Tour pros suddenly appear in their rear-view mirrors.